[Satirical News] Chemist shocked to discover he is not the Source of all creation.
[Image: Sophist chemist Dr. Benjamin Krauss upon realizing he is not God.]
Sixty-year-old Cincinnati chemist and active sophist Dr. Benjamin Kraus is in complete shock over the sudden realization that he is not divine. Dr. Krauss has been hard at work contaminating public consciousness with sophistic fallacies since he was just a teenager. Krauss said the painful realization that he is not a God hit him when he could no longer enforce reverence of left-brain aptitude to enslave humanity. "I define divinity as being able to create the appearance of helping others while actually screwing people over. I've done everything from cherry-picking evidence to flat-out lying," said Dr. Krauss, "Nothing is working. People are actually using science and evidence against me. What if I actually have to start contributing to society? What if everybody starts benefitting from science, not just the slave-making elite? How can the television show Rick and Morty be wrong?" exclaimed Krauss, bursting into tears and assuming fetal position.