[Satirical News] Calgary Resident Calls for Protection of Citizens' Right to Be Stupid.


Calgary resident Dianne Winslow has started a petition calling for politicians to protect the right of the general public to be stupid and purposefully delusional. Winslow, an assistant curator and a strong Liberal Party supporter, said she started the petition when grassroots activists started raising public awareness about the Liberal Party's anti-progressive policies.

"I've seen people write articles about Trudeau trampling on progressive values by selling weapons to Saudi Arabia and destroying the environment by pushing through pipeline projects. I almost had to use my brain!" said Winslow, wiping away a tear. "I was like 'Have you seen his eyelashes? How can someone with such pretty eyelashes be evil?' "

Winslow said it's very important to her that nobody burst the bubble she's living in where she gets to do all the evil a conservative would do while still pretending she is part of a force for good. When questioned about the Liberal Party's willingness to support Israeli apartheid, Winslow stared off blankly into space for two minutes and then proceeded to take out a selfie she took with the Prime Minister last fall at a Liberal Party rally.

"Look at our smiles!" exclaimed Winslow.

Winslow's petition has already garnered 100,000 signatures. Winslow is also planning to hold another vigil later this month in honour of the murdered Charlie Hebdo cartoonists. It's the seventh vigil she's held this year alone for the cartoonists of the racist, imperialist publishing since the incident occurred in January of 2015.